FICTITIOUS STORY: MY DIARY AND "MEINE ELLEN" (PART 2)

The night on 23 January, 2014 was a something. Something that I will remember always. Yes, you are right. The night that I made my biggest sin. I slipped from my virtue. Eventually I made sex with Indah at that night.

At that night, I preferred not to stay at her boarding room. I preferred to go to my home after making our history. On the way to my home, unpredictably Ellen called.

She said: "Honey, where are you right now?"

I answered: "I am on my way to the home."

After that, she said: "From where?"

With the spitting voice, I answered: "From friend of mine. He works in Jakarta. He asked me to meet him."

When she called, I felt like a strike came to me. Yes, her phone did harass me. I needed several seconds at that time to think a fake answer. I didn't just need fake answer but also perfect answer which was unquestionable again. The fake answer to save our relationship from my perspective. At that moment, I thought my visiting to friend of mine was perfect and fake answer, covering the real answer. 

Then, she told: "Oh..., Be careful on the way. By the way, I miss you so much right now."

Yes, the fake answer worked. She didn't ask again whom I met or where I met or etc. At the same moment, somehow, I felt a shame. My successfully fake answer was not deserved to be proud. Otherwise, my successfully fake answer proved that our love was not longer founded of honesty. There was a lying defiling our love. 

However, my mind told me I should end this conversation. Longer I had conversation with Ellen, more lying I should represent.

Intentionally to end this conversation, I said: "Honey, I miss you as well. By the way, the train is fully crowded. Honey, can we continue this conversation later? Honestly I don't fell comfortable having conversation with this condition."

She replied: "Okay my Dani. Can't wait. With Love. Your Ellen."

Yes, the condition that I was in train wasn't a lie. Nevertheless, a question appeared. Did I miss her at that time? Truly part of me missed her, but the rest didn't. For sure, my mind and my body still wanted to remind what happened in Indah's boarding room. Moreover, they wanted to remember how Indah treated me as beginner.

I knew I had violated God's will being an unsullied man. Yet I could not resist the animals inside came out to play. Those animals that desired to taste the beautiful sin.

To be continued...